How To Get Pregnant - Part 3

Figured I should continue my "How to get pregnant" series, hopefully with information that might actually be useful to someone.

For awesome, informative, and ULTRA science-y descriptions of the male and female reproductive systems, see parts 1 and 2 of this series: Part 1 Part 2

Now that we're all kinds of knowledgeable about our respective equipment, let's talk about how to actually go about the thing.

*Note - This is mostly for those of you who are fairly new to trying to conceive, haven't had fertility problems and just want to get ON with it already.  If you're like me and none of this stuff works, then you might want to go see a doctor sometime between 6 - 12 cycles.*

So, basically, we women have something called a menstrual cycle (I hate the word menstrual, by the way).  This is how a textbook cycle would go:

Follicular Phase (Cycle Days 1 - 14):

Cycle Days 1 - 5 (or 6 or 7 or 8 or whatever):  Your period happens.  Life is horrible, probably.
Cycle Days 7 - 14:  You're getting ready to ovulate.  Your ovaries are busy building up some follicles, one of which will mature enough to be THE EGG OF THE CYCLE and if you want to get pregnant, this is the week to get to it.
Cycle Day 14:  You're ovulating!  Congratulations!  If you haven't already (you should have, though), do the deed today and tomorrow (and maybe the next day, if you really like your significant other).

Luteal Phase (Cycle Days 14 - 28):

Cycle Days 14 - 28:  In the ttc world, this is known as the Two Week Wait (TWW).  This is basically where you have tons of pregnancy symptoms, whether you're actually pregnant or not.  If you are, your period probably won't appear.  If you're not, you start over from Cycle Day 1.  Please have some wine.

Notice I emphasized "textbook".  Not everyone (far from everyone, most likely) actually ovulates on cycle day 14.  The follicular phase varies from woman to woman.  You might ovulate on cycle day 9 or cycle day 39.  You might not ovulate at all.  Some months (rarely) you might ovulate twice!  Ovulation might change every month depending on stress levels, hormone issues, nutrition, exercise, etc, etc.  It's a tricky business and if you're not paying attention, you might miss ovulation entirely, leaving your poor little egg hanging.

The luteal phase, on the other hand, is pretty constant and typically lasts 14 days from the date you ovulate.  So, if you ovulate on cycle day 39 (you poor thing), your luteal phase should last about 14 days and (if not pregnant) you'd get your period again on cycle day 54, your new cycle day 1.

So, how do you know for sure when you ovulate?  There's no way to know the exact moment (short of a very well-timed ultrasound, I guess), but there are some great ways to narrow it down to a nice 24 - 48 hour window:

1 - Ovulation Predictor Kits (OPKs).  This is probably the easiest way to know when you're probably going to ovulate.  You can buy them at pretty much any drugstore.  They come in digital and non-digital form.  The digitals, while expensive, give you a smiley face when you're getting ready to ovulate (within the next 12 - 36 hours, generally).  The non-digitals display 2 lines, the control and test line, very much like a pregnancy test.  When the test line is as dark or darker than the control line, ovulation should take place that day or the next, usually.

Mr. Smiley face is gently reminding you to get to it already.

The only caveat (because there has to be one, of course) is that opks can't actually confirm ovulation.  If you're stressed or sick or blah, blah, blah, your body might gear up to ovulate and actually NOT ovulate, but you might get your nice little positive opk anyway and think everything's great.  Sometimes your body will gear up multiple times and, for various reasons, it won't happen until maybe the 3rd or 4th time.  Or, again, not at all.  Ovaries and hormones are tricky, tricky things and generally can't be trusted.

Which brings us to something that actually CAN confirm ovulation:

2 - Charting your basal body temperature (BBT).  When used along with OPKs, this is a pretty surefire way to know A) that you're going to ovulate and B) that you actually DID ovulate.  It's a lot more labor-intensive than just using opks, but if you like charts (and who doesn't!?), this is totally going to be up your alley.

Just to give more information than you're interested in, your basal body temperature (bbt) is your temperature upon waking, taken with a (get this) bbt thermometer, which is usually pink, for effect.  During your follicular phase (pre-ovulation), your temperature will be lower.  Once you ovulate, your bbt will be higher (by at least .4 degrees, usually).  So, it's pretty easy to see when you ovulated by looking at your chart.  Here's a VERY typical bbt chart, borrowed from some way more informative website:

So, it's pretty obvious that this person ovulated on CD 14, because her CD 15 temp was much higher than her previous temps, and it remained that way throughout the rest of her very textbook cycle.

There are some great sites for charting.  I use both of these, because sometimes I get annoyed with one or the other for various reasons:

www.fertilityfriend.com

www.tcoyf.com

They are both absolutely free and you shouldn't sign up for the paid accounts.  I've tried them and personally didn't find them all that useful or helpful.  Free is always better, right?

So, here are the steps if you'd like to chart your own BBT from now on:

1.  The night before:  Set your alarm for a specific time in the morning.  If you usually set your alarm anyway, because you're unlike me and actually wake up and do early things, then you're ahead of the game.
2.  Place your bbt thermometer within easy reach.  A nightstand would work.  Pick a spot and be consistent with it every night. You may want to keep a pen and paper handy, unless you're good at making your phone remember things for you.
3.  Wake up.  Hopefully you slept well, because bbt readings can be thrown off by a bad night's sleep.
4.  DON'T DO ANYTHING EXCEPT REACH FOR THE BLURRY PINK THING ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND AND TAKE YOUR TEMP.  If you take your bbt after getting out of bed, you're doing it wrong.
5.  Go back to sleep.
6.  Oh, wait.  Record the temp somewhere.  (See step 2).
7.  Then go back to sleep.
8.  Wake up and excitedly plug the day's temp in your chart on one of the sites mentioned above, or your own paper chart if you're weird and ultra-ambitious about it.

It's a good idea to not skip days and to wake up at the same time every morning.  Your BBT is a mysterious, fickle thing and, though it's awesome at confirming ovulation, it can get thrown off pretty easily.

Now that you know how to check for ovulation, the only other thing to do is the whole sex thing.  (*Note - there are other ways to check for ovulation.  Cervical mucus, cervical position, ovulation pain, etc...I'm too lazy to go into those things here, but they exist if you want to wash your hands frequently.) It (sex) is pretty easy, and if you need any visuals the internet is full of examples.  There's one very important thing to remember, though:

SEX MUST OCCUR AT SOME POINT BEFORE OR DURING OVULATION.  SEX AFTER OVULATION IS ALMOST POINTLESS FOR BABY-MAKING PURPOSES.

But it is useful for showing your significant other that you still love them and stuff, so go ahead and keep at it if you like them enough.  So, yeah, it doesn't matter if you get down every day, every other day, every few days....once menstruation ends, get some sperm in your Fallopian tubes!

Alright, We Did All That Stuff.  Now What?  Also, We're Tired From All the Sex.

Welcome to the Luteal Phase, better known in internet forum terms as the TWO WEEK WAIT.

THAT is a long time to wait for a new GoT episode.

14 days of craziness with LOADS of pregnancy symptoms thrown in just for fun.  The most productive thing you can do during this time is Google everything you're feeling that could possibly be a pregnancy symptom.

At the end of it all, you will either get this:

Or this:

You know, depending on which type of tests you buy.  Or, you may be a better person than I am and just wait for menstruation (ugh) to either begin or not.  Hopefully it does not and you will never need to reference back to this amazingly relevant and helpful blog post again.

Good luck!!

Facebookness

Ahhh, Facebook.

About a week ago I decided to delete my facebook account.  It honestly just took up a lot more of my time than it deserved.  Not to mention that it's been my primary way of socializing for almost a year now.....and, for some reason, that doesn't seem healthy.

Facebook is clever, though.  When you attempt to delete your account, it gives you 2 weeks to change your mind before it is, in fact, deleted.

This morning I was feeling sort of lonely, so I logged back in.......and realized that I had made the right decision to delete.  In the week that I had been gone, I had over 100 notifications.....almost all of them were impersonal things....links being shared, platitudes about life that other people had written....that sort of thing.  While I care about the people in my life, I want to know more than just what's on their surface.  It almost feels like I'm peeking into their life and only getting a small glimpse of who they are and what kind of life they're living.  I guess, what I'm trying to say, is that I want deeper connections than what facebook offers.  And I have that, with a few people....mostly with family, but a couple of friends here and there.  Even the deeper friendships I had with people in other parts of the country grew less and less personal while using facebook....which makes complete sense.  It's a very impersonal place.

I found this link recently, and have to say I pretty much agree with everything she said:  http://techsavvybutterfly.wordpress.com/2012/06/27/goodbye-facebook/

She just said it way better than I could have...here's an excerpt:

I no longer want my friends to have this passive peepshow into my life and I don’t want to have the same view of theirs. I want us to talk. I want a personal email. I want to find a way to share photos in a way that encourages us to talk about them with each other. I want to chortle over sushi about the random events and cry together over wine when heartbreak attacks. In short, I want my friends back. The only way I can do that is to cut the cord.

So, in an attempt to simplify my life and establish/maintain/reestablish deeper connections with my fellow humans, I re-deleted facebook.  Now I just have to make having ACTUAL relationships with others a bigger priority in my life.  Being a shy, introverted type, it's something I'll have to force.  The good thing is that I've made some wonderful friends over the years....and I'd love to know more about them than what cat pictures they find funny at any given moment.

Goodbye, facebook...it's been a nice 3 years.

"Borrowed" from another interesting post about saying goodbye to facebook:  http://www.nickdanforth.com/goodbye-facebook  Just found this blog and I have to say that I really love it!

The Radioactive Uterus (aka My HSG Experience)

{Began this post after my HSG yesterday, 7/24/12.  Was way too tired to finish until today.  None of this matters.  Read on!}

So, where to begin?  Whaaaaa?  The HSG, you say?  Psssh, that old thing?  You MUST know by now that I am an old pro at all things Hystero now.

No.  But, seriously.  I rocked the thing.  I was so horribly nervous and was absolutely sure I would vomit/faint/seize/suddenly develop a shellfish allergy and react to the dye....all those "rare" things they warn you about when you sign the consent form.  Which, in case you're not ultra experienced with western medicine, is the form you sign, agreeing that you are aware that you may very well curl up and die today, and it is no one else's stupid fault but your own.

So, anyway, I feel it is only fair that I share my experience in detail, as I scoured the interwebs for these stories and mostly found the horriblest of the horrible ones.  They are out there and they are abundant.

While I don't want to get toooo personal, I will say that I went to a pretty well known infertility-type doctor's office in Phoenix.  (Which, by the way, is the WORST CITY EVER.  Why do people live there?  It was 108 degrees today.  1-0-8.  And the A/C in our van died.  Phoenix killed our A/C.  We were stuck in rush-hour traffic, on the highway, with no A/C.  I hate Phoenix).

The shopping, however, was fantastic.  Or window shopping, at least.  My credit card is about $1,500 heavier now, due to my desire to be with child again at some point in life.  My Disney credit card.  Kind of weird to earn Disney Rewards for this kind of thing, don't you agree?  Anyway...

So, here's how it went:

1) Crystal enters an unfamiliar office, only to be greeted by two cheery individuals:  the office gal and the nurse.  Crystal mentions that she is early.  One out of two cheery gals states that it's a good thing, as cheery nurse can get her blood.

2)  "Blood?" Crystal asks.

3)  Yep. Blood.  Didn't she just get rid of some blood last week?  No matter. Crystal gets checked for, among other things, Spinal Muscular Atrophy.  And all your run of the mill horrible venereal diseases and such.

4)  This is getting weird.  First person time!

5)  I also pee in the largest, most comfortable cup I've ever peed in.  (Obligatory pregnancy test)  No urine on any unnecessary body parts today!  Also, the bathroom is LAVISH!

6)  Nervous as heck, I go back to the lobby (where I am the only patient in this small office) and try to care about some celebrity magazine story.

7)  Cheery nurse calls me back to the dreaded room.  She proceeds to tell me that I probably won't die.  I proceed to tell her that I am 100% sure that I will be the .01% that does.  She laughs, then tells me to get undressed from the waist down.  I ask if I can leave my socks on.  (I am a pro at horrible questions...for my chest x-ray, I asked if I needed to fast beforehand).  [Shakes head sadly at self]

Actual picture of the "dreaded room".  It, like everyone else here, is actually pretty cheery, given the circumstances:

8)  I get half-undressed and imagine that strip clubs probably wouldn't have gotten so popular if the strippers left the top half on and walked around bottomless, with socks on.  I figure out a way to climb onto the quite-tall table (which is comfortable and NOT metal at all, like I had been dreading), and sit there, attempting to fully cover my lower half with a thin paper sheet (at least it was a pretty pink color, I guess) and failing, as usual.  Just noticed there is a stool in the above picture, which I probably should've used.  Preeetty sure I stepped on that TOTALLY innocuous looking red box there.

9)  There's a circular "thing" hanging in a weird spot (see above) and it is uncomfortably close.  I wonder if I'm supposed to be laying down.  "Ooooh, pillow!"  I lay down.

10)  I sit up again, confused, thinking it would be weird to meet the doctor while laying down.

11)  Doctor knocks and comes in just as I tore the paper sheet trying again, in vain, to cover my backside.  He and the nurse are covered from their chin to their toes in nice, thick, safe lead suits.

12)  This makes me suspicious.

13)  Doctor asks me to lay down and put my heels on the bottom corners of the table (no stirrups..yay!)  I'm actually not ultra uncomfortable.

14)  The procedure begins....

15)  The doctor, who is awesome, tells me everything just before he does it and as he's doing it.  Did I mention he is awesome?  I proceed to tell the doctor that I am nervous, though I shouldn't be, since I've given birth and it can't hurt more than birth, right?  RIGHT!?  Slight, obligatory chuckle may or may not have been heard.

16)  It starts out as a normal pap, with a speculum.  Dr. Awesome is extremely gentle and this doesn't cause any discomfort, as it normally would.

17)  A quick swab is taken (again, absolutely zero discomfort) to check for additional horrible venereal diseases.  There are apparently many different varieties.

18)  Doc puts a shot of "something-caine" in or around my cervix, to numb it.  I felt a very slight prick (less painful than the blood draw from 10 minutes ago) and a slight burning sensation.  Nothing major. The burning went away quickly, and I could tell the cervix was numb.  Doctor mentioned that my heart may start racing as a side effect.  I mention that it already was.  It doesn't get faster, but it definitely starts beating much harder....this only lasts for 20 seconds or so, and I feel fine through all of it.

19)  Doc inserts the tenaculum, which I probably spelled wrong.  This is the clamp that pulls the cervix down a bit and holds it in place prior to the catheter being inserted.  While I do feel a tiny bit of "something," my cervix is numb so it doesn't annoy me much.  I am still not uncomfortable at all, oddly.

20)  "This is weird," I think.

21)  Doc inserts the catheter.  Again, I barely feel anything.  I'm looking up at the ceiling, expecting the worst, as I hear the next part is where it gets painful....

22)  Doc instructs me to look at the 2 screens to my right.  The first x-ray is taken and it just shows some possible intestine-looking outline things, but mostly it looks blank.  He and the nurse point out the catheter.

23)  The dye is inserted.

24)  And I feel nothing.

25)  I am awed at the still x-rays that follow, which show the dye moving up into my uterus, eventually filling it, filling and spilling out of my left tube just fine and, eventually, spilling out of my right tube.  No pain at all.

26)  "Am I supposed to be hurting right now?" I ask.

27)  "You may be feeling some discomfort, yes."  The doctor had no clue I was only asking out of curiosity, as there wasn't much of anything going on.

28)  "That's it!"  Everything is removed in a couple of fell swoops and I can sit up whenever I feel ready.

29)  I immediately feel ready.  I cramp very mildly....even more mildly than my cycle day 1 or 2 menstrual cramps....when I sit up, and I can feel some grossness leaking out of me.  My uterus seems to be pushing some of the dye out in an attempt to preserve her modesty.  Poor uterus.

30)  I could've opted to have the doctor insert a tampon, but I just think that's weird.  I opted for a pad.  They gave me KOTEX NATURALS!  The same kind I use at home...they really spare no expense, these people. =p

I think 30 numbers is enough.....I feel absolutely great and can honestly say I worried for nothing.  It was less painful than any pap smear I've ever had!  If I ever have to have one of these done again, I will find this doctor and make an appointment.  He is the only one I will allow to fill my lady parts with radioactive dye henceforth.

The news was good-ish to not so good-ish....there is definitely some sort of something in my uterus, as the dye was obstructed at first and the uterus didn't fill evenly.  My left tube was textbook....looked great.  My right tube, although obviously open, had a weird shape and may be "clubbed" at the end, instead of completely open.  More than likely, there are some more endometriosis adhesions distorting the anatomy a bit.

He didn't feel another laparoscopy was warranted, and I went ahead and agreed, mostly because I don't want to do a bowel prep and be hunched over for a week after the surgery.  Works for both of us.  Still moving forward with operation "get that junk out of my uterus," and can not wait to have that polyp (or whatever it/they are) out and sent to a lab for others to behold the hideous marvels that my body now creates.

And....I'm done for now.  If you are one of the lucky few who found this blog post because you have an upcoming HSG, I hope this gave you a little peace of mind.  My advice would be to find a doctor you trust, and MAKE SURE an experienced doctor, not anyone else, will be the one actually performing  it.  My saline ultrasound, which is supposed to be cake compared to an HSG, was far, far worse due to it being done by someone with inept hands.  Oh!  And, also, take some ibuprofen before-hand if you can.  My doctor's website said "800 mg of Advil."  I took 600 mg because I'm a tiny person and didn't want to deal with OD'ing on top of everything else.

Until the next procedure!

In OTHER News!

I am now, officially, the very proud mother of a very big boy!

Tonight is the FIRST night in all of my son's existence that he fell asleep in his "big boy" bed.  He never even once slept in his crib, other than to nap.  I, for the life of me, can't believe it.  And, like most of the "big boy" precedents that he sets, I am having a much harder time with it than he is.

Picture of my sweet, awesome, self-proclaimed super hero, Ever, asleep in his very own bed:

I even turned on the lights (bad, bad Mommy) to get this pic.  But, I had to document it!  It is historic and epic and all kinds of wow!

Picture of me on Ever's first night in his very own bed:

It was all his own doing, too....I laid down with him in our bed, as usual, and he decided he wanted to "go by yourself," as he calls it.

It did take a few "Mommyyyyyy!!"s and "I want water"s and "Where's Yuna?"s and a lot of clicking/playing with his Moon In My Room, but eventually, he decided he was tired and would, in fact like to go unconscious for about 10 hours or so.

Since I couldn't find any normal, not creepy, pictures of Moon In My Room, I went with what I feel is the creepiest.  What's with the scary ass tree outside?  And why are there no curtains or blinds?

Anyway, I actually recommend Moon In My Room, especially for rooms that are trying somewhat hard to be space themed.  It is probably at LEAST 45% of the reason he fell asleep tonight.

So, that's the big old late night news!  We'll see how this all plays out, but I'm starting to think this whole sleeping in his own room thing will become a trend over the next 16 years or so...

CD 10

It's Sunday.  So that's nice.

In other news, it's cycle day 10 and I'm feeling all kinds of okay.  The birth control pills are making my life less unpleasant now, for the most part.  Well, with the exception of gaining 3 pounds of abdominal bloating grossness in a week.  That's a nice touch, synthetic hormones.  I *thought* they were clearing up my acne and occasional facial hair...sooo embarrassing...but, it's all back in full swing.  Yay.

Too much medical stuff about to happen in the next 2 weeks, and I am ready for it to be done. and. over. with.  Tuesday, especially, can not come fast enough.  I have my HSG and pre-op appointment in Phoenix (about a 3 - 4 hour drive, depending on how lazy we are with speed and such).  Am I nervous about it, you ask?  Well, I hear the pain is unbearable and keep reading these horrible stories of women passing out/throwing up/etc....but, nah.  I think it'll be fine.  On the other hand, I am very tired of my proverbial lady parts being on display for any and everyone with your run of the mill medical degree.  My poor uterus.  Nobody cuts it any slack.

I'm suddenly reminded of my "How to get pregnant" series that I never finished.  Which makes a lot of sense, actually, because I am apparently not the expert.  I can tell you how NOT to get pregnant, though:  have a polyp in your uterus and take birth control pills.  Also, just for added protection, try not to shower too much.

You're welcome.

CD 5

To recap the last 4 days:

CD 1 - Blargh
CD 2 - Blargh!!  And "Ewwww.  Gross."
CD 3 - Started birth control pills.  Less blargh and more "OMG I'm going to throw up"

CD 4 - Another pill.  Another day of near-vomiting.  Ironically, being on birth control makes me feel very pregnant.  I called the doctor's office to try and convince them that I don't need to take them.  They didn't agree, for whatever reason....darn doctors and their "I know more about medical thingies than you do" attitude.

On that note, I had an appointment with my regular doctor yesterday, who is not my regular doctor at all since it was my first time there.  I complained about various things.  Told me not to worry about one of them (blood clots...I am terrified of getting a blood clot in my leg and ultimately dying of pulmonary embolism...it's a dumb fear, and the doctor made sure to say so in a fairly nice way).  For the other, she sent me for a chest x-ray (check!), blood work (going this morning), and an ultrasound & mammogram (going tomorrow).  Chest x-ray came out all clear, with the exception of the note: "cavum pectus deformity."  Yep, I am deformed in the pectus.  I prefer the term "pectusly challenged."  I already knew that, though, and have decided to live with it rather than try to fix it by having some doctor man stick a curved rod through my chest and twist it until my chest pops out, the way it should.  It's called "pectus excavatum," but don't look it up unless you want to see some very severe cases.  Mine is mild-ish, I think.  Poor Ever got it from me, though.  Stupid genes.  Other than looking fairly weird and making it harder for me to do healthy running things, it doesn't really get in my way.  I'm pretty sure everything else will come out A-OK and it will be much ado about nothing.

CD 5 - Today!  I'm now holding off on taking my "pill" until later in the day, so that I can eventually get to where I take it just before bed.  According to the nurse lady I spoke to, this will make me feel less horrible during the day.  I also am holding off on eating or drinking things until I get my blood work done.  Two more hours and it can not come fast enough for my poor, skinny, hungry, thirsty body.  I'm always fascinated by getting my blood drawn (except when my arm turns all crazy black and blue and threatens to fall off afterward, as happened recently) and even more fascinated by the results.  It's just cool how these tests are a snapshot of how your body's doing at any given moment.

So, this is my life at the moment, unfortunately.  Lots and lots of medical things, but we have insurance, so we may as well do everything now.  I'm getting a bit nervous for my HSG and subsequent surgery(ies), but more than that, I really just want this month to be over already.  Yesterday I told Dimas that I wanted to cancel the lot of it and just move on with my life, polyp or no polyp.  He didn't say much, but he normally doesn't have much to say about any of these things...poor guy...constantly subjected to my dumb medical things and my many, many thoughts on them.

At any rate, I'm hoping for good news in the next few days!  Here's my chest x-ray images, for your viewing pleasure!

CD1

Haven't updated in awhile, and that's basically because I've been ultra busy not accomplishing anything significant.

So...this cycle is an important one for me.  I had to put off the polyp removal surgery due to financial constraints.  I had literally just paid off a $1,500 medical bill when I found out I would have to pay the rest of my deductible ($1,500...imagine that) up front, prior to surgery.  After a lot of thought, I've decided to finance the stupid thing so I can get the polyp where it belongs - in a jar.

I could, and probably should, go into how much I loathe credit cards and am being a complete hypocrite by not only agreeing, but suggesting, we use one for this purpose.  I'd just rather skip that paragraph, though, if it's all the same to you guys.

Anyway!

I've decided to try and document each cycle day this month, since it's going to be a significant and slightly crazy one, as far as my cycles go.  I am having a hysterosalpingogram (HSG) and a hysteroscopic polypectomy (with a possible laparoscopy).  Because of all of this nonsense, I'll be on birth control for at least the next 3 weeks.

So, here goes!

CD1 - It's not a fun day.  That's pretty much it. :/