How is it that I miss you?
I never even knew
the color of your eyes
the feel of your heartbeat
the softness of your breath
But I do.
I miss you.
363 days later.
Yes, I've counted
Almost a full year
and it still hurts.
Still...
Still.
I've come to learn to
hate that word.
You were more than that.
More than still.
You kicked.
You hiccuped.
You twisted and turned
in protest.
You fought.
Hard.
Until you couldn't anymore.
I felt your last, soft
almost lifeless
little kick.
363 days ago.
And it still hurts.
Maybe not as often,
But it's more than just a
tender ache
The way I imagined it would be
By now.
I miss you.
And it doesn't seem to matter
that I never knew you.
Even though your tiny fingers
never closed around my own
I still knew you as my own.
My precious daughter,
Holly.
Your mother loves you so.
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
Saturday, September 29, 2012
TTC After a Loss
I'm not 100% sure what to type here, as that title is very....heavy....but it's what came to me as I sat down to type to the vast unknown tonight.
Trying to conceive after a loss. Just the first part of that brings its own fair share of craziness with temping, charting, opks, timing and always hoping that THIS month is THE month. If you don't know what most of those things are or what trying to conceive really entails (other than just "doing it"..heh), consider yourself very lucky. I know I would.
I've done all of those things and more (and personally think the fertility monitor is a complete waste of money, for anyone wondering) throughout the almost 8 years of our marriage. There have been fertility doctors and surgeries, talk of drugs and the distant possibility of IUI or IVF. I've managed to conceive twice and, ironically enough, both times were completely unexpected. I guess I'm just one of those people for which the old adage "it'll happen when it's supposed to" really must ring true. As annoying as that is (I'm not the most patient person with this whole baby-making business), there are times when a person on the path of infertility....or sub-par fertility, as the case may be....has to just learn to let go and have faith. And hope. And, most of all, patience.
That's where I am today. Trying to conceive, in and of itself, doesn't make me too crazy. It's the "after a loss" part that really makes it...suck, for lack of a better term. And I'm now at the point (after only 9 cycles of this madness) where I've had enough of trying. Each month of trying leads to disappointment, and that disappointment is always heavily shadowed by what should have been.
And what should have been would have been so much nicer than what the last 9 cycles have given me.
What should have been would almost be one year old.
It's hard to think of life that way, and I'm sure I'm not doing my mental faculties any favors by doing so, but that's the reality of me trying to continue to cope with the loss and with the fact that another baby just might not be in the cards.
I actually had a positive pregnancy test - 3, in fact - this last cycle and was thrilled that, finally, I could start making plans for another little one. Only, the tests magically turned negative shortly thereafter and I was left with a huge feeling of disappointment. Whether I had a chemical pregnancy - basically where a fertilized egg begins to implant but the body rejects it or the process is interrupted for whatever reason - or simply had false positives, I'll never know. All I know is that it was the final blow for me and, at this point, I have decided to redirect my energies.
So, I'm no longer "expecting a belly." Am I hoping for one? At some point, absolutely. Maybe it'll happen this month, maybe in a year, maybe never again. Dimas and I love each other, so that love could definitely haphazardly make a baby (we've managed to do it before, God knows how or why it worked out that way both times)...but life goes on, baby or no baby, and I am forced to focus on the things that ARE.
Like my horribly not-flat stomach and overall weakness and weird-lookingness from not exercising in for-ev-er.
And our upcoming move to Texas.
And Halloween.
And, most importantly, my now 3 year old who I absolutely couldn't live without. He is truly a Godsend and brings me more joy than I ever thought possible. I'm going to start yet another blog about his general growing up-ness and my hopes and trials (with lots of errors, I'm sure) at both parenting him and (possibly, hopefully) homeschooling him....at least throughout the preschool years.
So that's that, I suppose. We'll see what the future holds when it gets here (it likes to take its time..what's up with that?). I'd like to end with the VERY first non-preschooler song that Ever memorized and randomly sang the chorus to today:
"atchoo Baaaaby"
something "NUMBER!"
"Call me maybe!"
I can't blame him. It's a catchy tune. :)
Trying to conceive after a loss. Just the first part of that brings its own fair share of craziness with temping, charting, opks, timing and always hoping that THIS month is THE month. If you don't know what most of those things are or what trying to conceive really entails (other than just "doing it"..heh), consider yourself very lucky. I know I would.
I've done all of those things and more (and personally think the fertility monitor is a complete waste of money, for anyone wondering) throughout the almost 8 years of our marriage. There have been fertility doctors and surgeries, talk of drugs and the distant possibility of IUI or IVF. I've managed to conceive twice and, ironically enough, both times were completely unexpected. I guess I'm just one of those people for which the old adage "it'll happen when it's supposed to" really must ring true. As annoying as that is (I'm not the most patient person with this whole baby-making business), there are times when a person on the path of infertility....or sub-par fertility, as the case may be....has to just learn to let go and have faith. And hope. And, most of all, patience.
That's where I am today. Trying to conceive, in and of itself, doesn't make me too crazy. It's the "after a loss" part that really makes it...suck, for lack of a better term. And I'm now at the point (after only 9 cycles of this madness) where I've had enough of trying. Each month of trying leads to disappointment, and that disappointment is always heavily shadowed by what should have been.
And what should have been would have been so much nicer than what the last 9 cycles have given me.
What should have been would almost be one year old.
It's hard to think of life that way, and I'm sure I'm not doing my mental faculties any favors by doing so, but that's the reality of me trying to continue to cope with the loss and with the fact that another baby just might not be in the cards.
I actually had a positive pregnancy test - 3, in fact - this last cycle and was thrilled that, finally, I could start making plans for another little one. Only, the tests magically turned negative shortly thereafter and I was left with a huge feeling of disappointment. Whether I had a chemical pregnancy - basically where a fertilized egg begins to implant but the body rejects it or the process is interrupted for whatever reason - or simply had false positives, I'll never know. All I know is that it was the final blow for me and, at this point, I have decided to redirect my energies.
So, I'm no longer "expecting a belly." Am I hoping for one? At some point, absolutely. Maybe it'll happen this month, maybe in a year, maybe never again. Dimas and I love each other, so that love could definitely haphazardly make a baby (we've managed to do it before, God knows how or why it worked out that way both times)...but life goes on, baby or no baby, and I am forced to focus on the things that ARE.
Like my horribly not-flat stomach and overall weakness and weird-lookingness from not exercising in for-ev-er.
And our upcoming move to Texas.
And Halloween.
And, most importantly, my now 3 year old who I absolutely couldn't live without. He is truly a Godsend and brings me more joy than I ever thought possible. I'm going to start yet another blog about his general growing up-ness and my hopes and trials (with lots of errors, I'm sure) at both parenting him and (possibly, hopefully) homeschooling him....at least throughout the preschool years.
So that's that, I suppose. We'll see what the future holds when it gets here (it likes to take its time..what's up with that?). I'd like to end with the VERY first non-preschooler song that Ever memorized and randomly sang the chorus to today:
"atchoo Baaaaby"
something "NUMBER!"
"Call me maybe!"
I can't blame him. It's a catchy tune. :)
Thursday, August 16, 2012
Post-Operative!
So, I think I'm finally done with all my medical junk for the time being.
I had my post-op appointment with the fertility folks in Phoenix on Monday, and it went swimmingly. Dr. Awesome went over all my pathology results and bloodwork results - I am apparently disease-free and my uterus stuff is all kinds of benign. So I couldn't be happier. I did have a real-life, actual polyp - only it wasn't as large as we thought. Still, the doc said it could've affected implantation and he's hopeful for all of our trying to conceive endeavors. He gave me the green light to try this month, and said we should seek further care in San Antonio around October/November if it hasn't happened naturally. Hoping we won't need to, especially since we won't be able to....
Then, YESTERDAY, I had an excisional breast biopsy, which is all part of the much-ado-about-nothing medical junk I've been dealing with. The breast surgeon isn't concerned at all, but I moved forward with taking the darn lump out so I never have to worry about it again. (She took out a lump with some surrounding tissue.) My post-op is next week and I'm really not worried at all. Just a little scared to remove the bandage from the ol' boob this morning and see the damage. It hurts a bit, but nothing major. It was pretty weird hearing "snipping" going on in my breast, though. Never wanted (or needed) a breast reduction. =P
Still dealing with the moving stuff. The yard sale was an absolute success - we made over $400! Still have some left-overs that I'm either trying to sell on craigslist or going to donate.
Oh my God, this is so boring.
Until next time! Ever's doing great, by the way. Although, and maybe this is typical 3-year-old behavior, he's becoming just a little bit more.....mean. He'll say things like "I don't like you" or "No, go away." Which is pretty unlike him. I realize that I say "I don't like THAT" a lot when he, you know, does something I don't like, so maybe I need to reword. Shrug. These little ones are tricky and, while I love this new personality he's gaining, it's also sad to be leaving his 100% sweet self behind.
Sigh...
I had my post-op appointment with the fertility folks in Phoenix on Monday, and it went swimmingly. Dr. Awesome went over all my pathology results and bloodwork results - I am apparently disease-free and my uterus stuff is all kinds of benign. So I couldn't be happier. I did have a real-life, actual polyp - only it wasn't as large as we thought. Still, the doc said it could've affected implantation and he's hopeful for all of our trying to conceive endeavors. He gave me the green light to try this month, and said we should seek further care in San Antonio around October/November if it hasn't happened naturally. Hoping we won't need to, especially since we won't be able to....
Then, YESTERDAY, I had an excisional breast biopsy, which is all part of the much-ado-about-nothing medical junk I've been dealing with. The breast surgeon isn't concerned at all, but I moved forward with taking the darn lump out so I never have to worry about it again. (She took out a lump with some surrounding tissue.) My post-op is next week and I'm really not worried at all. Just a little scared to remove the bandage from the ol' boob this morning and see the damage. It hurts a bit, but nothing major. It was pretty weird hearing "snipping" going on in my breast, though. Never wanted (or needed) a breast reduction. =P
Still dealing with the moving stuff. The yard sale was an absolute success - we made over $400! Still have some left-overs that I'm either trying to sell on craigslist or going to donate.
Oh my God, this is so boring.
Until next time! Ever's doing great, by the way. Although, and maybe this is typical 3-year-old behavior, he's becoming just a little bit more.....mean. He'll say things like "I don't like you" or "No, go away." Which is pretty unlike him. I realize that I say "I don't like THAT" a lot when he, you know, does something I don't like, so maybe I need to reword. Shrug. These little ones are tricky and, while I love this new personality he's gaining, it's also sad to be leaving his 100% sweet self behind.
Sigh...
Thursday, August 9, 2012
Projects & Other Goings-On
Well!
There is, without question, a LOT going on in our lives right now:
1 - Upcoming move to our hometown of San Antonio (end of Sept - not much time!)
2 - Move requires moving from an 1800 sq ft to a 900 sq ft house
3 - Which requires getting. rid. of. lots. of. stuff. Half of our belongings, even.
4 - So, yard sale. Obviously.
5 - This weekend. Yikes! Not prepared.
6 - To keep from having to do all the dreaded yard sale prep work, in addition to all the usual daily duties, I decided to take on this project instead:
1 - Appease 2-year-old who REALLY wanted to see a picture of his own tongue.
2 - Inspect/Clean whatever all that gross stuff is. I found some small dings and chips, but I'm going to wait until the paint is off before I go off and buy any wood filler/putty/whatever. I'm thinking it'll be okay. At this point I started worrying that I was dealing with wallpaper removal.
3 - Only contact paper - whew! Peeled it all off and wiped down the dresser thoroughly. I'm still not sure if I'm going to sand or strip it.
4 - Remove drawers and contemplate whether I should just use it as a bookshelf/toy shelf because it would be really cute!
5 - Find receipt from 1985 behind one of the drawers. So it's at least that old.
My next step is to remove the hardware and move forward with the removal of paint. I'm leaning towards stripping it (though I've never used and am pretty deathly afraid of paint stripper), because the paint is laid on thick....who knows how many different colors are underneath.
FYI, I'm using this tutorial for all of my furniture painting endeavors:
http://romantichome.blogspot.com/2007/08/painting-furniture-step-by-step.html
For Ever's dresser, I'm going to leave out the distressing part and probably go with a polyurethane sealer rather than wax. Toddlers are known for their innate ability to destroy everything, so I figure a little extra protection couldn't hurt.
MEANWHILE, THIS......
Yet another project. This one's half-finished, as I'm waiting for the paint to cure at least 48 hours before sanding it and distressing it a bit. It's a bookshelf that I bought for $10 and we use it in our living room to hold various video game consoles. I REALLY want to go for the shabby chic look at our new place, and since this will be a fixture in our living room for the forseeable future, I figured it would be a good/easy starting point. It was originally a dark espresso color and the previous owner's dog had chewed one of the legs up a bit, hence the low price. Now that it's sanded/painted the bite marks are all but gone and I think it's going to look great once all is said and done!
We shall see. I'm definitely no expert, but I'm learning as I go and enjoying the process. Painting is NOT my forte, but I think I'm doing a decent job even so.
Now to figure out exactly how to pain Ever's new dresser. His room is a disaster at the moment, but it's space-themed and I'd like the dresser to be a nice addition without looking overly "busy." Here's one of his walls - with the Moon in My Room and a piece of "art" I made for him recently. Saw this on etsy: http://www.etsy.com/listing/69313596/space-art-i-love-you-from-here-to?ref=sr_gallery_1&ga_search_query=i+love+you+from+here+to+jupiter&ga_order=most_relevant&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_ship_to=ZZ&ga_min=0&ga_max=0&ga_search_type=all
and it was $20 JUST for the 8.5 x 11 inch sheet of paper, so I made a similar one myself using Word. It cost like 30 cents to print out at Office Max and the frame was $8 at Ross. So, overall, I'm pretty happy with it. :)
Stay tuned for the final results! Or, you know, don't. Whichever. :)
There is, without question, a LOT going on in our lives right now:
1 - Upcoming move to our hometown of San Antonio (end of Sept - not much time!)
2 - Move requires moving from an 1800 sq ft to a 900 sq ft house
3 - Which requires getting. rid. of. lots. of. stuff. Half of our belongings, even.
4 - So, yard sale. Obviously.
5 - This weekend. Yikes! Not prepared.
6 - To keep from having to do all the dreaded yard sale prep work, in addition to all the usual daily duties, I decided to take on this project instead:
It's a child-size dresser and I fell in love with it the moment I saw it! I have no idea what final outcome I have in mind for it, but I'm thinking blue and boyish all around. While small (which is exactly what we need for our soon-to-be-new-home), it is solid wood and HEAVY. The price tag didn't hurt, either:
This is his current dresser (which is nice and I would love to keep it for our room, but alas, it's just too much furniture at the moment) that we bought the new one to replace:
Gosh, the more I look at it, the more I want to keep it. It has drawer track issues (as in, they aren't currently there and I've been too lazy to do anything about it), and the last person who refinished/stained it made some interesting choices (drawer front appears to be upside down and such), but it still has lots of potential. Ah well, in the yard sale it goes. Hoping to get our $35 back and use it to purchase something when we get where we're going. :)
ANYWAY, here's my progress thus far (not much, but I couldn't wait to start)!
1 - Appease 2-year-old who REALLY wanted to see a picture of his own tongue.
3 - Only contact paper - whew! Peeled it all off and wiped down the dresser thoroughly. I'm still not sure if I'm going to sand or strip it.
4 - Remove drawers and contemplate whether I should just use it as a bookshelf/toy shelf because it would be really cute! 5 - Find receipt from 1985 behind one of the drawers. So it's at least that old.
My next step is to remove the hardware and move forward with the removal of paint. I'm leaning towards stripping it (though I've never used and am pretty deathly afraid of paint stripper), because the paint is laid on thick....who knows how many different colors are underneath.
FYI, I'm using this tutorial for all of my furniture painting endeavors:
http://romantichome.blogspot.com/2007/08/painting-furniture-step-by-step.html
For Ever's dresser, I'm going to leave out the distressing part and probably go with a polyurethane sealer rather than wax. Toddlers are known for their innate ability to destroy everything, so I figure a little extra protection couldn't hurt.
MEANWHILE, THIS......
Yet another project. This one's half-finished, as I'm waiting for the paint to cure at least 48 hours before sanding it and distressing it a bit. It's a bookshelf that I bought for $10 and we use it in our living room to hold various video game consoles. I REALLY want to go for the shabby chic look at our new place, and since this will be a fixture in our living room for the forseeable future, I figured it would be a good/easy starting point. It was originally a dark espresso color and the previous owner's dog had chewed one of the legs up a bit, hence the low price. Now that it's sanded/painted the bite marks are all but gone and I think it's going to look great once all is said and done!
We shall see. I'm definitely no expert, but I'm learning as I go and enjoying the process. Painting is NOT my forte, but I think I'm doing a decent job even so.
Now to figure out exactly how to pain Ever's new dresser. His room is a disaster at the moment, but it's space-themed and I'd like the dresser to be a nice addition without looking overly "busy." Here's one of his walls - with the Moon in My Room and a piece of "art" I made for him recently. Saw this on etsy: http://www.etsy.com/listing/69313596/space-art-i-love-you-from-here-to?ref=sr_gallery_1&ga_search_query=i+love+you+from+here+to+jupiter&ga_order=most_relevant&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_ship_to=ZZ&ga_min=0&ga_max=0&ga_search_type=all
and it was $20 JUST for the 8.5 x 11 inch sheet of paper, so I made a similar one myself using Word. It cost like 30 cents to print out at Office Max and the frame was $8 at Ross. So, overall, I'm pretty happy with it. :)
Stay tuned for the final results! Or, you know, don't. Whichever. :)
Monday, August 6, 2012
Also
This picture:
and this bit of news:
http://news.yahoo.com/mars-rover-curiosity-nears-break-landing-attempt-002742981.html
make me wish I worked at NASA.
Don't they look so ridiculously happy? I hope they all hung out and had some awesome, nerdy fun after work.
and this bit of news:
http://news.yahoo.com/mars-rover-curiosity-nears-break-landing-attempt-002742981.html
make me wish I worked at NASA.
Don't they look so ridiculously happy? I hope they all hung out and had some awesome, nerdy fun after work.
Updates!
So, I haven't exactly been keeping up with this thing, but what else is new? Considering I'm already in a new cycle (cycle day 3, as a matter of fact) I figured I should just recap the goings-on and go from there.
My surgery came and went and was not that big of a deal. I don't even have a funny anesthesia story, so there really isn't much to say about it. Except, oh yeah, there was no giant polyp in my uterus as previously mentioned to me by a previous fertility doctor who shall not be named. There was a tiny "something" that maaaaybe was a polyp, but basically the whole surgery was sort of pointless.
Bah humbug.
But at least now I don't have to wonder and worry that if I get pregnant again, there's some weird alien growth trying to give my future hypothetical baby a hard time. There's not. It's been decided. By cameras and stuff.
I stopped birth control and got extremely annoying for about 24 hours, where all I wanted to do was sit around, complain and just generally lament the fact that I had become a big old ball of bloat. Seriously, even my feet swelled. Hormones continue to be the weirdest. I should've taken a picture.
Instead, you get to see this:
Oh! I also decided that I wanted to take up body-building because, hey, I don't always have to be poor little, weak little Crystal, right? I want to be strong! And fit! And feel awesomely healthy!
This decision was followed by another, better decision the following day. This is where I decided that body-building was horribly confusing and somewhat disgusting (5 egg whites a day, really?) and would be better left to the professionals. I think I might start walking, though. Or something.
That's all for now!
My surgery came and went and was not that big of a deal. I don't even have a funny anesthesia story, so there really isn't much to say about it. Except, oh yeah, there was no giant polyp in my uterus as previously mentioned to me by a previous fertility doctor who shall not be named. There was a tiny "something" that maaaaybe was a polyp, but basically the whole surgery was sort of pointless.
Bah humbug.
But at least now I don't have to wonder and worry that if I get pregnant again, there's some weird alien growth trying to give my future hypothetical baby a hard time. There's not. It's been decided. By cameras and stuff.
I stopped birth control and got extremely annoying for about 24 hours, where all I wanted to do was sit around, complain and just generally lament the fact that I had become a big old ball of bloat. Seriously, even my feet swelled. Hormones continue to be the weirdest. I should've taken a picture.
Instead, you get to see this:
This is me, hating my hair and all that it lays flat for.
In other, less obvious news, I cut my own hair last week. With fabric shears. Interestingly enough, you can not tell at all (and I cut a bunch of the suckers off) and, for whatever reason, I kind of love it. Google "how to cut your own hair + ponytail" and you'll get an idea of how ridiculous I looked during the whole thing. I am going to continue the craziness until it's a decent length. I used to wonder, during my younger years, why most moms had short hair.
It's because of this:
I really have to start taking pictures for this thing.
What else? Well, we're getting ready to move to our hometown of San Antonio, Texas so there's a TON of what else's going on around here.
I'm selling about 60% of Ever's toys (omg, the poor child, I'm the worst mother ever, etc, etc). But, seriously, he doesn't even notice. I sold his train table today and he helped me walk the lady to her car with it and just said, "Thank you, byeee." So sweet. Who needs toys, anyway? I still have a ton to either sell or donate, so there's a yard sale in our immediate future. Boooooo.
Picture of a bunch of crazy toys we're selling:
This decision was followed by another, better decision the following day. This is where I decided that body-building was horribly confusing and somewhat disgusting (5 egg whites a day, really?) and would be better left to the professionals. I think I might start walking, though. Or something.
That's all for now!
Thursday, August 2, 2012
Unnecessary Post
As I heard one of our cats playing with some marbles from my son's new marble playset, a terrifying thought occurred to me.
What if our cat, whose name is actually Marbles, choked herself into kitty heaven on one of these marbles?! First of all, I would feel terrible, although slightly psychic. Secondly, I would feel like a completely horrible pet owner.
How would the conversation at the vet's office even go?
Vet: Soooooo.....her name is Marbles?
Me: Yes....
Vet: And she....died....choking on a marble? Is that right?
Me: ......
Vet: ..........
That would be an exchange I would NOT like to have. I'd probably just have to bury her in the backyard and call it a day. My poor, poor Marbles. "What a horribly strange way to go," everyone would say when they read her epitaph.
There's lots more to write, but I'm going to shuffle off now and be a responsible pet, child, and me owner. Because marbles rolling around on the floor are just a dumb, cartoonish trip to the ER waiting to happen.
What if our cat, whose name is actually Marbles, choked herself into kitty heaven on one of these marbles?! First of all, I would feel terrible, although slightly psychic. Secondly, I would feel like a completely horrible pet owner.
How would the conversation at the vet's office even go?
Vet: Soooooo.....her name is Marbles?
Me: Yes....
Vet: And she....died....choking on a marble? Is that right?
Me: ......
Vet: ..........
That would be an exchange I would NOT like to have. I'd probably just have to bury her in the backyard and call it a day. My poor, poor Marbles. "What a horribly strange way to go," everyone would say when they read her epitaph.
There's lots more to write, but I'm going to shuffle off now and be a responsible pet, child, and me owner. Because marbles rolling around on the floor are just a dumb, cartoonish trip to the ER waiting to happen.
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
How To Get Pregnant - Part 3
Figured I should continue my "How to get pregnant" series, hopefully with information that might actually be useful to someone.
For awesome, informative, and ULTRA science-y descriptions of the male and female reproductive systems, see parts 1 and 2 of this series: Part 1 Part 2
Now that we're all kinds of knowledgeable about our respective equipment, let's talk about how to actually go about the thing.
*Note - This is mostly for those of you who are fairly new to trying to conceive, haven't had fertility problems and just want to get ON with it already. If you're like me and none of this stuff works, then you might want to go see a doctor sometime between 6 - 12 cycles.*
So, basically, we women have something called a menstrual cycle (I hate the word menstrual, by the way). This is how a textbook cycle would go:
Follicular Phase (Cycle Days 1 - 14):
Cycle Days 1 - 5 (or 6 or 7 or 8 or whatever): Your period happens. Life is horrible, probably.
Cycle Days 7 - 14: You're getting ready to ovulate. Your ovaries are busy building up some follicles, one of which will mature enough to be THE EGG OF THE CYCLE and if you want to get pregnant, this is the week to get to it.
Cycle Day 14: You're ovulating! Congratulations! If you haven't already (you should have, though), do the deed today and tomorrow (and maybe the next day, if you really like your significant other).
Luteal Phase (Cycle Days 14 - 28):
Cycle Days 14 - 28: In the ttc world, this is known as the Two Week Wait (TWW). This is basically where you have tons of pregnancy symptoms, whether you're actually pregnant or not. If you are, your period probably won't appear. If you're not, you start over from Cycle Day 1. Please have some wine.
Notice I emphasized "textbook". Not everyone (far from everyone, most likely) actually ovulates on cycle day 14. The follicular phase varies from woman to woman. You might ovulate on cycle day 9 or cycle day 39. You might not ovulate at all. Some months (rarely) you might ovulate twice! Ovulation might change every month depending on stress levels, hormone issues, nutrition, exercise, etc, etc. It's a tricky business and if you're not paying attention, you might miss ovulation entirely, leaving your poor little egg hanging.
The luteal phase, on the other hand, is pretty constant and typically lasts 14 days from the date you ovulate. So, if you ovulate on cycle day 39 (you poor thing), your luteal phase should last about 14 days and (if not pregnant) you'd get your period again on cycle day 54, your new cycle day 1.
So, how do you know for sure when you ovulate? There's no way to know the exact moment (short of a very well-timed ultrasound, I guess), but there are some great ways to narrow it down to a nice 24 - 48 hour window:
1 - Ovulation Predictor Kits (OPKs). This is probably the easiest way to know when you're probably going to ovulate. You can buy them at pretty much any drugstore. They come in digital and non-digital form. The digitals, while expensive, give you a smiley face when you're getting ready to ovulate (within the next 12 - 36 hours, generally). The non-digitals display 2 lines, the control and test line, very much like a pregnancy test. When the test line is as dark or darker than the control line, ovulation should take place that day or the next, usually.
The only caveat (because there has to be one, of course) is that opks can't actually confirm ovulation. If you're stressed or sick or blah, blah, blah, your body might gear up to ovulate and actually NOT ovulate, but you might get your nice little positive opk anyway and think everything's great. Sometimes your body will gear up multiple times and, for various reasons, it won't happen until maybe the 3rd or 4th time. Or, again, not at all. Ovaries and hormones are tricky, tricky things and generally can't be trusted.
1. The night before: Set your alarm for a specific time in the morning. If you usually set your alarm anyway, because you're unlike me and actually wake up and do early things, then you're ahead of the game.
2. Place your bbt thermometer within easy reach. A nightstand would work. Pick a spot and be consistent with it every night. You may want to keep a pen and paper handy, unless you're good at making your phone remember things for you.
3. Wake up. Hopefully you slept well, because bbt readings can be thrown off by a bad night's sleep.
4. DON'T DO ANYTHING EXCEPT REACH FOR THE BLURRY PINK THING ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND AND TAKE YOUR TEMP. If you take your bbt after getting out of bed, you're doing it wrong.
5. Go back to sleep.
6. Oh, wait. Record the temp somewhere. (See step 2).
7. Then go back to sleep.
8. Wake up and excitedly plug the day's temp in your chart on one of the sites mentioned above, or your own paper chart if you're weird and ultra-ambitious about it.
It's a good idea to not skip days and to wake up at the same time every morning. Your BBT is a mysterious, fickle thing and, though it's awesome at confirming ovulation, it can get thrown off pretty easily.
Now that you know how to check for ovulation, the only other thing to do is the whole sex thing. (*Note - there are other ways to check for ovulation. Cervical mucus, cervical position, ovulation pain, etc...I'm too lazy to go into those things here, but they exist if you want to wash your hands frequently.) It (sex) is pretty easy, and if you need any visuals the internet is full of examples. There's one very important thing to remember, though:
SEX MUST OCCUR AT SOME POINT BEFORE OR DURING OVULATION. SEX AFTER OVULATION IS ALMOST POINTLESS FOR BABY-MAKING PURPOSES.
But it is useful for showing your significant other that you still love them and stuff, so go ahead and keep at it if you like them enough. So, yeah, it doesn't matter if you get down every day, every other day, every few days....once menstruation ends, get some sperm in your Fallopian tubes!
Welcome to the Luteal Phase, better known in internet forum terms as the TWO WEEK WAIT.
14 days of craziness with LOADS of pregnancy symptoms thrown in just for fun. The most productive thing you can do during this time is Google everything you're feeling that could possibly be a pregnancy symptom.
At the end of it all, you will either get this:
For awesome, informative, and ULTRA science-y descriptions of the male and female reproductive systems, see parts 1 and 2 of this series: Part 1 Part 2
Now that we're all kinds of knowledgeable about our respective equipment, let's talk about how to actually go about the thing.
*Note - This is mostly for those of you who are fairly new to trying to conceive, haven't had fertility problems and just want to get ON with it already. If you're like me and none of this stuff works, then you might want to go see a doctor sometime between 6 - 12 cycles.*
So, basically, we women have something called a menstrual cycle (I hate the word menstrual, by the way). This is how a textbook cycle would go:
Follicular Phase (Cycle Days 1 - 14):
Cycle Days 1 - 5 (or 6 or 7 or 8 or whatever): Your period happens. Life is horrible, probably.
Cycle Days 7 - 14: You're getting ready to ovulate. Your ovaries are busy building up some follicles, one of which will mature enough to be THE EGG OF THE CYCLE and if you want to get pregnant, this is the week to get to it.
Cycle Day 14: You're ovulating! Congratulations! If you haven't already (you should have, though), do the deed today and tomorrow (and maybe the next day, if you really like your significant other).
Luteal Phase (Cycle Days 14 - 28):
Cycle Days 14 - 28: In the ttc world, this is known as the Two Week Wait (TWW). This is basically where you have tons of pregnancy symptoms, whether you're actually pregnant or not. If you are, your period probably won't appear. If you're not, you start over from Cycle Day 1. Please have some wine.
Notice I emphasized "textbook". Not everyone (far from everyone, most likely) actually ovulates on cycle day 14. The follicular phase varies from woman to woman. You might ovulate on cycle day 9 or cycle day 39. You might not ovulate at all. Some months (rarely) you might ovulate twice! Ovulation might change every month depending on stress levels, hormone issues, nutrition, exercise, etc, etc. It's a tricky business and if you're not paying attention, you might miss ovulation entirely, leaving your poor little egg hanging.
The luteal phase, on the other hand, is pretty constant and typically lasts 14 days from the date you ovulate. So, if you ovulate on cycle day 39 (you poor thing), your luteal phase should last about 14 days and (if not pregnant) you'd get your period again on cycle day 54, your new cycle day 1.
So, how do you know for sure when you ovulate? There's no way to know the exact moment (short of a very well-timed ultrasound, I guess), but there are some great ways to narrow it down to a nice 24 - 48 hour window:
1 - Ovulation Predictor Kits (OPKs). This is probably the easiest way to know when you're probably going to ovulate. You can buy them at pretty much any drugstore. They come in digital and non-digital form. The digitals, while expensive, give you a smiley face when you're getting ready to ovulate (within the next 12 - 36 hours, generally). The non-digitals display 2 lines, the control and test line, very much like a pregnancy test. When the test line is as dark or darker than the control line, ovulation should take place that day or the next, usually.
 |
| Mr. Smiley face is gently reminding you to get to it already. |
Which brings us to something that actually CAN confirm ovulation:
2 - Charting your basal body temperature (BBT). When used along with OPKs, this is a pretty surefire way to know A) that you're going to ovulate and B) that you actually DID ovulate. It's a lot more labor-intensive than just using opks, but if you like charts (and who doesn't!?), this is totally going to be up your alley.
Just to give more information than you're interested in, your basal body temperature (bbt) is your temperature upon waking, taken with a (get this) bbt thermometer, which is usually pink, for effect. During your follicular phase (pre-ovulation), your temperature will be lower. Once you ovulate, your bbt will be higher (by at least .4 degrees, usually). So, it's pretty easy to see when you ovulated by looking at your chart. Here's a VERY typical bbt chart, borrowed from some way more informative website:
So, it's pretty obvious that this person ovulated on CD 14, because her CD 15 temp was much higher than her previous temps, and it remained that way throughout the rest of her very textbook cycle.
There are some great sites for charting. I use both of these, because sometimes I get annoyed with one or the other for various reasons:
They are both absolutely free and you shouldn't sign up for the paid accounts. I've tried them and personally didn't find them all that useful or helpful. Free is always better, right?
So, here are the steps if you'd like to chart your own BBT from now on:
1. The night before: Set your alarm for a specific time in the morning. If you usually set your alarm anyway, because you're unlike me and actually wake up and do early things, then you're ahead of the game.
2. Place your bbt thermometer within easy reach. A nightstand would work. Pick a spot and be consistent with it every night. You may want to keep a pen and paper handy, unless you're good at making your phone remember things for you.
3. Wake up. Hopefully you slept well, because bbt readings can be thrown off by a bad night's sleep.
4. DON'T DO ANYTHING EXCEPT REACH FOR THE BLURRY PINK THING ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND AND TAKE YOUR TEMP. If you take your bbt after getting out of bed, you're doing it wrong.
5. Go back to sleep.
6. Oh, wait. Record the temp somewhere. (See step 2).
7. Then go back to sleep.
8. Wake up and excitedly plug the day's temp in your chart on one of the sites mentioned above, or your own paper chart if you're weird and ultra-ambitious about it.
It's a good idea to not skip days and to wake up at the same time every morning. Your BBT is a mysterious, fickle thing and, though it's awesome at confirming ovulation, it can get thrown off pretty easily.
Now that you know how to check for ovulation, the only other thing to do is the whole sex thing. (*Note - there are other ways to check for ovulation. Cervical mucus, cervical position, ovulation pain, etc...I'm too lazy to go into those things here, but they exist if you want to wash your hands frequently.) It (sex) is pretty easy, and if you need any visuals the internet is full of examples. There's one very important thing to remember, though:
SEX MUST OCCUR AT SOME POINT BEFORE OR DURING OVULATION. SEX AFTER OVULATION IS ALMOST POINTLESS FOR BABY-MAKING PURPOSES.
But it is useful for showing your significant other that you still love them and stuff, so go ahead and keep at it if you like them enough. So, yeah, it doesn't matter if you get down every day, every other day, every few days....once menstruation ends, get some sperm in your Fallopian tubes!
Alright, We Did All That Stuff. Now What? Also, We're Tired From All the Sex.
 |
| THAT is a long time to wait for a new GoT episode. |
At the end of it all, you will either get this:
Or this:
You know, depending on which type of tests you buy. Or, you may be a better person than I am and just wait for menstruation (ugh) to either begin or not. Hopefully it does not and you will never need to reference back to this amazingly relevant and helpful blog post again.
Good luck!!
Thursday, July 26, 2012
Facebookness
Ahhh, Facebook.
About a week ago I decided to delete my facebook account. It honestly just took up a lot more of my time than it deserved. Not to mention that it's been my primary way of socializing for almost a year now.....and, for some reason, that doesn't seem healthy.
Facebook is clever, though. When you attempt to delete your account, it gives you 2 weeks to change your mind before it is, in fact, deleted.
This morning I was feeling sort of lonely, so I logged back in.......and realized that I had made the right decision to delete. In the week that I had been gone, I had over 100 notifications.....almost all of them were impersonal things....links being shared, platitudes about life that other people had written....that sort of thing. While I care about the people in my life, I want to know more than just what's on their surface. It almost feels like I'm peeking into their life and only getting a small glimpse of who they are and what kind of life they're living. I guess, what I'm trying to say, is that I want deeper connections than what facebook offers. And I have that, with a few people....mostly with family, but a couple of friends here and there. Even the deeper friendships I had with people in other parts of the country grew less and less personal while using facebook....which makes complete sense. It's a very impersonal place.
I found this link recently, and have to say I pretty much agree with everything she said: http://techsavvybutterfly.wordpress.com/2012/06/27/goodbye-facebook/
She just said it way better than I could have...here's an excerpt:
I no longer want my friends to have this passive peepshow into my life and I don’t want to have the same view of theirs. I want us to talk. I want a personal email. I want to find a way to share photos in a way that encourages us to talk about them with each other. I want to chortle over sushi about the random events and cry together over wine when heartbreak attacks. In short, I want my friends back. The only way I can do that is to cut the cord.
So, in an attempt to simplify my life and establish/maintain/reestablish deeper connections with my fellow humans, I re-deleted facebook. Now I just have to make having ACTUAL relationships with others a bigger priority in my life. Being a shy, introverted type, it's something I'll have to force. The good thing is that I've made some wonderful friends over the years....and I'd love to know more about them than what cat pictures they find funny at any given moment.
Goodbye, facebook...it's been a nice 3 years.
"Borrowed" from another interesting post about saying goodbye to facebook: http://www.nickdanforth.com/goodbye-facebook Just found this blog and I have to say that I really love it!
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
The Radioactive Uterus (aka My HSG Experience)
{Began this post after my HSG yesterday, 7/24/12. Was way too tired to finish until today. None of this matters. Read on!}
So, where to begin? Whaaaaa? The HSG, you say? Psssh, that old thing? You MUST know by now that I am an old pro at all things Hystero now.
No. But, seriously. I rocked the thing. I was so horribly nervous and was absolutely sure I would vomit/faint/seize/suddenly develop a shellfish allergy and react to the dye....all those "rare" things they warn you about when you sign the consent form. Which, in case you're not ultra experienced with western medicine, is the form you sign, agreeing that you are aware that you may very well curl up and die today, and it is no one else's stupid fault but your own.
So, anyway, I feel it is only fair that I share my experience in detail, as I scoured the interwebs for these stories and mostly found the horriblest of the horrible ones. They are out there and they are abundant.
While I don't want to get toooo personal, I will say that I went to a pretty well known infertility-type doctor's office in Phoenix. (Which, by the way, is the WORST CITY EVER. Why do people live there? It was 108 degrees today. 1-0-8. And the A/C in our van died. Phoenix killed our A/C. We were stuck in rush-hour traffic, on the highway, with no A/C. I hate Phoenix).
The shopping, however, was fantastic. Or window shopping, at least. My credit card is about $1,500 heavier now, due to my desire to be with child again at some point in life. My Disney credit card. Kind of weird to earn Disney Rewards for this kind of thing, don't you agree? Anyway...
So, here's how it went:
1) Crystal enters an unfamiliar office, only to be greeted by two cheery individuals: the office gal and the nurse. Crystal mentions that she is early. One out of two cheery gals states that it's a good thing, as cheery nurse can get her blood.
2) "Blood?" Crystal asks.
3) Yep. Blood. Didn't she just get rid of some blood last week? No matter. Crystal gets checked for, among other things, Spinal Muscular Atrophy. And all your run of the mill horrible venereal diseases and such.
4) This is getting weird. First person time!
5) I also pee in the largest, most comfortable cup I've ever peed in. (Obligatory pregnancy test) No urine on any unnecessary body parts today! Also, the bathroom is LAVISH!
6) Nervous as heck, I go back to the lobby (where I am the only patient in this small office) and try to care about some celebrity magazine story.
7) Cheery nurse calls me back to the dreaded room. She proceeds to tell me that I probably won't die. I proceed to tell her that I am 100% sure that I will be the .01% that does. She laughs, then tells me to get undressed from the waist down. I ask if I can leave my socks on. (I am a pro at horrible questions...for my chest x-ray, I asked if I needed to fast beforehand). [Shakes head sadly at self]
Actual picture of the "dreaded room". It, like everyone else here, is actually pretty cheery, given the circumstances:
8) I get half-undressed and imagine that strip clubs probably wouldn't have gotten so popular if the strippers left the top half on and walked around bottomless, with socks on. I figure out a way to climb onto the quite-tall table (which is comfortable and NOT metal at all, like I had been dreading), and sit there, attempting to fully cover my lower half with a thin paper sheet (at least it was a pretty pink color, I guess) and failing, as usual. Just noticed there is a stool in the above picture, which I probably should've used. Preeetty sure I stepped on that TOTALLY innocuous looking red box there.
9) There's a circular "thing" hanging in a weird spot (see above) and it is uncomfortably close. I wonder if I'm supposed to be laying down. "Ooooh, pillow!" I lay down.
10) I sit up again, confused, thinking it would be weird to meet the doctor while laying down.
11) Doctor knocks and comes in just as I tore the paper sheet trying again, in vain, to cover my backside. He and the nurse are covered from their chin to their toes in nice, thick, safe lead suits.
12) This makes me suspicious.
13) Doctor asks me to lay down and put my heels on the bottom corners of the table (no stirrups..yay!) I'm actually not ultra uncomfortable.
14) The procedure begins....
15) The doctor, who is awesome, tells me everything just before he does it and as he's doing it. Did I mention he is awesome? I proceed to tell the doctor that I am nervous, though I shouldn't be, since I've given birth and it can't hurt more than birth, right? RIGHT!? Slight, obligatory chuckle may or may not have been heard.
16) It starts out as a normal pap, with a speculum. Dr. Awesome is extremely gentle and this doesn't cause any discomfort, as it normally would.
17) A quick swab is taken (again, absolutely zero discomfort) to check for additional horrible venereal diseases. There are apparently many different varieties.
18) Doc puts a shot of "something-caine" in or around my cervix, to numb it. I felt a very slight prick (less painful than the blood draw from 10 minutes ago) and a slight burning sensation. Nothing major. The burning went away quickly, and I could tell the cervix was numb. Doctor mentioned that my heart may start racing as a side effect. I mention that it already was. It doesn't get faster, but it definitely starts beating much harder....this only lasts for 20 seconds or so, and I feel fine through all of it.
19) Doc inserts the tenaculum, which I probably spelled wrong. This is the clamp that pulls the cervix down a bit and holds it in place prior to the catheter being inserted. While I do feel a tiny bit of "something," my cervix is numb so it doesn't annoy me much. I am still not uncomfortable at all, oddly.
20) "This is weird," I think.
21) Doc inserts the catheter. Again, I barely feel anything. I'm looking up at the ceiling, expecting the worst, as I hear the next part is where it gets painful....
22) Doc instructs me to look at the 2 screens to my right. The first x-ray is taken and it just shows some possible intestine-looking outline things, but mostly it looks blank. He and the nurse point out the catheter.
23) The dye is inserted.
24) And I feel nothing.
25) I am awed at the still x-rays that follow, which show the dye moving up into my uterus, eventually filling it, filling and spilling out of my left tube just fine and, eventually, spilling out of my right tube. No pain at all.
26) "Am I supposed to be hurting right now?" I ask.
27) "You may be feeling some discomfort, yes." The doctor had no clue I was only asking out of curiosity, as there wasn't much of anything going on.
28) "That's it!" Everything is removed in a couple of fell swoops and I can sit up whenever I feel ready.
29) I immediately feel ready. I cramp very mildly....even more mildly than my cycle day 1 or 2 menstrual cramps....when I sit up, and I can feel some grossness leaking out of me. My uterus seems to be pushing some of the dye out in an attempt to preserve her modesty. Poor uterus.
30) I could've opted to have the doctor insert a tampon, but I just think that's weird. I opted for a pad. They gave me KOTEX NATURALS! The same kind I use at home...they really spare no expense, these people. =p
I think 30 numbers is enough.....I feel absolutely great and can honestly say I worried for nothing. It was less painful than any pap smear I've ever had! If I ever have to have one of these done again, I will find this doctor and make an appointment. He is the only one I will allow to fill my lady parts with radioactive dye henceforth.
The news was good-ish to not so good-ish....there is definitely some sort of something in my uterus, as the dye was obstructed at first and the uterus didn't fill evenly. My left tube was textbook....looked great. My right tube, although obviously open, had a weird shape and may be "clubbed" at the end, instead of completely open. More than likely, there are some more endometriosis adhesions distorting the anatomy a bit.
He didn't feel another laparoscopy was warranted, and I went ahead and agreed, mostly because I don't want to do a bowel prep and be hunched over for a week after the surgery. Works for both of us. Still moving forward with operation "get that junk out of my uterus," and can not wait to have that polyp (or whatever it/they are) out and sent to a lab for others to behold the hideous marvels that my body now creates.
And....I'm done for now. If you are one of the lucky few who found this blog post because you have an upcoming HSG, I hope this gave you a little peace of mind. My advice would be to find a doctor you trust, and MAKE SURE an experienced doctor, not anyone else, will be the one actually performing it. My saline ultrasound, which is supposed to be cake compared to an HSG, was far, far worse due to it being done by someone with inept hands. Oh! And, also, take some ibuprofen before-hand if you can. My doctor's website said "800 mg of Advil." I took 600 mg because I'm a tiny person and didn't want to deal with OD'ing on top of everything else.
Until the next procedure!
So, where to begin? Whaaaaa? The HSG, you say? Psssh, that old thing? You MUST know by now that I am an old pro at all things Hystero now.
No. But, seriously. I rocked the thing. I was so horribly nervous and was absolutely sure I would vomit/faint/seize/suddenly develop a shellfish allergy and react to the dye....all those "rare" things they warn you about when you sign the consent form. Which, in case you're not ultra experienced with western medicine, is the form you sign, agreeing that you are aware that you may very well curl up and die today, and it is no one else's stupid fault but your own.
So, anyway, I feel it is only fair that I share my experience in detail, as I scoured the interwebs for these stories and mostly found the horriblest of the horrible ones. They are out there and they are abundant.
While I don't want to get toooo personal, I will say that I went to a pretty well known infertility-type doctor's office in Phoenix. (Which, by the way, is the WORST CITY EVER. Why do people live there? It was 108 degrees today. 1-0-8. And the A/C in our van died. Phoenix killed our A/C. We were stuck in rush-hour traffic, on the highway, with no A/C. I hate Phoenix).
The shopping, however, was fantastic. Or window shopping, at least. My credit card is about $1,500 heavier now, due to my desire to be with child again at some point in life. My Disney credit card. Kind of weird to earn Disney Rewards for this kind of thing, don't you agree? Anyway...
So, here's how it went:
1) Crystal enters an unfamiliar office, only to be greeted by two cheery individuals: the office gal and the nurse. Crystal mentions that she is early. One out of two cheery gals states that it's a good thing, as cheery nurse can get her blood.
2) "Blood?" Crystal asks.
3) Yep. Blood. Didn't she just get rid of some blood last week? No matter. Crystal gets checked for, among other things, Spinal Muscular Atrophy. And all your run of the mill horrible venereal diseases and such.
4) This is getting weird. First person time!
5) I also pee in the largest, most comfortable cup I've ever peed in. (Obligatory pregnancy test) No urine on any unnecessary body parts today! Also, the bathroom is LAVISH!
6) Nervous as heck, I go back to the lobby (where I am the only patient in this small office) and try to care about some celebrity magazine story.
7) Cheery nurse calls me back to the dreaded room. She proceeds to tell me that I probably won't die. I proceed to tell her that I am 100% sure that I will be the .01% that does. She laughs, then tells me to get undressed from the waist down. I ask if I can leave my socks on. (I am a pro at horrible questions...for my chest x-ray, I asked if I needed to fast beforehand). [Shakes head sadly at self]
Actual picture of the "dreaded room". It, like everyone else here, is actually pretty cheery, given the circumstances:
8) I get half-undressed and imagine that strip clubs probably wouldn't have gotten so popular if the strippers left the top half on and walked around bottomless, with socks on. I figure out a way to climb onto the quite-tall table (which is comfortable and NOT metal at all, like I had been dreading), and sit there, attempting to fully cover my lower half with a thin paper sheet (at least it was a pretty pink color, I guess) and failing, as usual. Just noticed there is a stool in the above picture, which I probably should've used. Preeetty sure I stepped on that TOTALLY innocuous looking red box there.
9) There's a circular "thing" hanging in a weird spot (see above) and it is uncomfortably close. I wonder if I'm supposed to be laying down. "Ooooh, pillow!" I lay down.
10) I sit up again, confused, thinking it would be weird to meet the doctor while laying down.
11) Doctor knocks and comes in just as I tore the paper sheet trying again, in vain, to cover my backside. He and the nurse are covered from their chin to their toes in nice, thick, safe lead suits.
12) This makes me suspicious.
13) Doctor asks me to lay down and put my heels on the bottom corners of the table (no stirrups..yay!) I'm actually not ultra uncomfortable.
14) The procedure begins....
15) The doctor, who is awesome, tells me everything just before he does it and as he's doing it. Did I mention he is awesome? I proceed to tell the doctor that I am nervous, though I shouldn't be, since I've given birth and it can't hurt more than birth, right? RIGHT!? Slight, obligatory chuckle may or may not have been heard.
16) It starts out as a normal pap, with a speculum. Dr. Awesome is extremely gentle and this doesn't cause any discomfort, as it normally would.
17) A quick swab is taken (again, absolutely zero discomfort) to check for additional horrible venereal diseases. There are apparently many different varieties.
18) Doc puts a shot of "something-caine" in or around my cervix, to numb it. I felt a very slight prick (less painful than the blood draw from 10 minutes ago) and a slight burning sensation. Nothing major. The burning went away quickly, and I could tell the cervix was numb. Doctor mentioned that my heart may start racing as a side effect. I mention that it already was. It doesn't get faster, but it definitely starts beating much harder....this only lasts for 20 seconds or so, and I feel fine through all of it.
19) Doc inserts the tenaculum, which I probably spelled wrong. This is the clamp that pulls the cervix down a bit and holds it in place prior to the catheter being inserted. While I do feel a tiny bit of "something," my cervix is numb so it doesn't annoy me much. I am still not uncomfortable at all, oddly.
20) "This is weird," I think.
21) Doc inserts the catheter. Again, I barely feel anything. I'm looking up at the ceiling, expecting the worst, as I hear the next part is where it gets painful....
22) Doc instructs me to look at the 2 screens to my right. The first x-ray is taken and it just shows some possible intestine-looking outline things, but mostly it looks blank. He and the nurse point out the catheter.
23) The dye is inserted.
24) And I feel nothing.
25) I am awed at the still x-rays that follow, which show the dye moving up into my uterus, eventually filling it, filling and spilling out of my left tube just fine and, eventually, spilling out of my right tube. No pain at all.
26) "Am I supposed to be hurting right now?" I ask.
27) "You may be feeling some discomfort, yes." The doctor had no clue I was only asking out of curiosity, as there wasn't much of anything going on.
28) "That's it!" Everything is removed in a couple of fell swoops and I can sit up whenever I feel ready.
29) I immediately feel ready. I cramp very mildly....even more mildly than my cycle day 1 or 2 menstrual cramps....when I sit up, and I can feel some grossness leaking out of me. My uterus seems to be pushing some of the dye out in an attempt to preserve her modesty. Poor uterus.
30) I could've opted to have the doctor insert a tampon, but I just think that's weird. I opted for a pad. They gave me KOTEX NATURALS! The same kind I use at home...they really spare no expense, these people. =p
I think 30 numbers is enough.....I feel absolutely great and can honestly say I worried for nothing. It was less painful than any pap smear I've ever had! If I ever have to have one of these done again, I will find this doctor and make an appointment. He is the only one I will allow to fill my lady parts with radioactive dye henceforth.
The news was good-ish to not so good-ish....there is definitely some sort of something in my uterus, as the dye was obstructed at first and the uterus didn't fill evenly. My left tube was textbook....looked great. My right tube, although obviously open, had a weird shape and may be "clubbed" at the end, instead of completely open. More than likely, there are some more endometriosis adhesions distorting the anatomy a bit.
He didn't feel another laparoscopy was warranted, and I went ahead and agreed, mostly because I don't want to do a bowel prep and be hunched over for a week after the surgery. Works for both of us. Still moving forward with operation "get that junk out of my uterus," and can not wait to have that polyp (or whatever it/they are) out and sent to a lab for others to behold the hideous marvels that my body now creates.
And....I'm done for now. If you are one of the lucky few who found this blog post because you have an upcoming HSG, I hope this gave you a little peace of mind. My advice would be to find a doctor you trust, and MAKE SURE an experienced doctor, not anyone else, will be the one actually performing it. My saline ultrasound, which is supposed to be cake compared to an HSG, was far, far worse due to it being done by someone with inept hands. Oh! And, also, take some ibuprofen before-hand if you can. My doctor's website said "800 mg of Advil." I took 600 mg because I'm a tiny person and didn't want to deal with OD'ing on top of everything else.
Until the next procedure!
Sunday, July 22, 2012
In OTHER News!
I am now, officially, the very proud mother of a very big boy!
Tonight is the FIRST night in all of my son's existence that he fell asleep in his "big boy" bed. He never even once slept in his crib, other than to nap. I, for the life of me, can't believe it. And, like most of the "big boy" precedents that he sets, I am having a much harder time with it than he is.
Picture of my sweet, awesome, self-proclaimed super hero, Ever, asleep in his very own bed:
I even turned on the lights (bad, bad Mommy) to get this pic. But, I had to document it! It is historic and epic and all kinds of wow!
Picture of me on Ever's first night in his very own bed:
Tonight is the FIRST night in all of my son's existence that he fell asleep in his "big boy" bed. He never even once slept in his crib, other than to nap. I, for the life of me, can't believe it. And, like most of the "big boy" precedents that he sets, I am having a much harder time with it than he is.
Picture of my sweet, awesome, self-proclaimed super hero, Ever, asleep in his very own bed:
Picture of me on Ever's first night in his very own bed:
It was all his own doing, too....I laid down with him in our bed, as usual, and he decided he wanted to "go by yourself," as he calls it.
It did take a few "Mommyyyyyy!!"s and "I want water"s and "Where's Yuna?"s and a lot of clicking/playing with his Moon In My Room, but eventually, he decided he was tired and would, in fact like to go unconscious for about 10 hours or so.
Since I couldn't find any normal, not creepy, pictures of Moon In My Room, I went with what I feel is the creepiest. What's with the scary ass tree outside? And why are there no curtains or blinds?
Anyway, I actually recommend Moon In My Room, especially for rooms that are trying somewhat hard to be space themed. It is probably at LEAST 45% of the reason he fell asleep tonight.
So, that's the big old late night news! We'll see how this all plays out, but I'm starting to think this whole sleeping in his own room thing will become a trend over the next 16 years or so...
CD 10
It's Sunday. So that's nice.
In other news, it's cycle day 10 and I'm feeling all kinds of okay. The birth control pills are making my life less unpleasant now, for the most part. Well, with the exception of gaining 3 pounds of abdominal bloating grossness in a week. That's a nice touch, synthetic hormones. I *thought* they were clearing up my acne and occasional facial hair...sooo embarrassing...but, it's all back in full swing. Yay.
Too much medical stuff about to happen in the next 2 weeks, and I am ready for it to be done. and. over. with. Tuesday, especially, can not come fast enough. I have my HSG and pre-op appointment in Phoenix (about a 3 - 4 hour drive, depending on how lazy we are with speed and such). Am I nervous about it, you ask? Well, I hear the pain is unbearable and keep reading these horrible stories of women passing out/throwing up/etc....but, nah. I think it'll be fine. On the other hand, I am very tired of my proverbial lady parts being on display for any and everyone with your run of the mill medical degree. My poor uterus. Nobody cuts it any slack.
I'm suddenly reminded of my "How to get pregnant" series that I never finished. Which makes a lot of sense, actually, because I am apparently not the expert. I can tell you how NOT to get pregnant, though: have a polyp in your uterus and take birth control pills. Also, just for added protection, try not to shower too much.
You're welcome.
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
CD 5
To recap the last 4 days:
CD 1 - Blargh
CD 2 - Blargh!! And "Ewwww. Gross."
CD 3 - Started birth control pills. Less blargh and more "OMG I'm going to throw up"
CD 4 - Another pill. Another day of near-vomiting. Ironically, being on birth control makes me feel very pregnant. I called the doctor's office to try and convince them that I don't need to take them. They didn't agree, for whatever reason....darn doctors and their "I know more about medical thingies than you do" attitude.
On that note, I had an appointment with my regular doctor yesterday, who is not my regular doctor at all since it was my first time there. I complained about various things. Told me not to worry about one of them (blood clots...I am terrified of getting a blood clot in my leg and ultimately dying of pulmonary embolism...it's a dumb fear, and the doctor made sure to say so in a fairly nice way). For the other, she sent me for a chest x-ray (check!), blood work (going this morning), and an ultrasound & mammogram (going tomorrow). Chest x-ray came out all clear, with the exception of the note: "cavum pectus deformity." Yep, I am deformed in the pectus. I prefer the term "pectusly challenged." I already knew that, though, and have decided to live with it rather than try to fix it by having some doctor man stick a curved rod through my chest and twist it until my chest pops out, the way it should. It's called "pectus excavatum," but don't look it up unless you want to see some very severe cases. Mine is mild-ish, I think. Poor Ever got it from me, though. Stupid genes. Other than looking fairly weird and making it harder for me to do healthy running things, it doesn't really get in my way. I'm pretty sure everything else will come out A-OK and it will be much ado about nothing.
CD 5 - Today! I'm now holding off on taking my "pill" until later in the day, so that I can eventually get to where I take it just before bed. According to the nurse lady I spoke to, this will make me feel less horrible during the day. I also am holding off on eating or drinking things until I get my blood work done. Two more hours and it can not come fast enough for my poor, skinny, hungry, thirsty body. I'm always fascinated by getting my blood drawn (except when my arm turns all crazy black and blue and threatens to fall off afterward, as happened recently) and even more fascinated by the results. It's just cool how these tests are a snapshot of how your body's doing at any given moment.
So, this is my life at the moment, unfortunately. Lots and lots of medical things, but we have insurance, so we may as well do everything now. I'm getting a bit nervous for my HSG and subsequent surgery(ies), but more than that, I really just want this month to be over already. Yesterday I told Dimas that I wanted to cancel the lot of it and just move on with my life, polyp or no polyp. He didn't say much, but he normally doesn't have much to say about any of these things...poor guy...constantly subjected to my dumb medical things and my many, many thoughts on them.
At any rate, I'm hoping for good news in the next few days! Here's my chest x-ray images, for your viewing pleasure!
CD 1 - Blargh
CD 2 - Blargh!! And "Ewwww. Gross."
CD 3 - Started birth control pills. Less blargh and more "OMG I'm going to throw up"
CD 4 - Another pill. Another day of near-vomiting. Ironically, being on birth control makes me feel very pregnant. I called the doctor's office to try and convince them that I don't need to take them. They didn't agree, for whatever reason....darn doctors and their "I know more about medical thingies than you do" attitude.
On that note, I had an appointment with my regular doctor yesterday, who is not my regular doctor at all since it was my first time there. I complained about various things. Told me not to worry about one of them (blood clots...I am terrified of getting a blood clot in my leg and ultimately dying of pulmonary embolism...it's a dumb fear, and the doctor made sure to say so in a fairly nice way). For the other, she sent me for a chest x-ray (check!), blood work (going this morning), and an ultrasound & mammogram (going tomorrow). Chest x-ray came out all clear, with the exception of the note: "cavum pectus deformity." Yep, I am deformed in the pectus. I prefer the term "pectusly challenged." I already knew that, though, and have decided to live with it rather than try to fix it by having some doctor man stick a curved rod through my chest and twist it until my chest pops out, the way it should. It's called "pectus excavatum," but don't look it up unless you want to see some very severe cases. Mine is mild-ish, I think. Poor Ever got it from me, though. Stupid genes. Other than looking fairly weird and making it harder for me to do healthy running things, it doesn't really get in my way. I'm pretty sure everything else will come out A-OK and it will be much ado about nothing.
CD 5 - Today! I'm now holding off on taking my "pill" until later in the day, so that I can eventually get to where I take it just before bed. According to the nurse lady I spoke to, this will make me feel less horrible during the day. I also am holding off on eating or drinking things until I get my blood work done. Two more hours and it can not come fast enough for my poor, skinny, hungry, thirsty body. I'm always fascinated by getting my blood drawn (except when my arm turns all crazy black and blue and threatens to fall off afterward, as happened recently) and even more fascinated by the results. It's just cool how these tests are a snapshot of how your body's doing at any given moment.
So, this is my life at the moment, unfortunately. Lots and lots of medical things, but we have insurance, so we may as well do everything now. I'm getting a bit nervous for my HSG and subsequent surgery(ies), but more than that, I really just want this month to be over already. Yesterday I told Dimas that I wanted to cancel the lot of it and just move on with my life, polyp or no polyp. He didn't say much, but he normally doesn't have much to say about any of these things...poor guy...constantly subjected to my dumb medical things and my many, many thoughts on them.
At any rate, I'm hoping for good news in the next few days! Here's my chest x-ray images, for your viewing pleasure!
Friday, July 13, 2012
CD1
Haven't updated in awhile, and that's basically because I've been ultra busy not accomplishing anything significant.
So...this cycle is an important one for me. I had to put off the polyp removal surgery due to financial constraints. I had literally just paid off a $1,500 medical bill when I found out I would have to pay the rest of my deductible ($1,500...imagine that) up front, prior to surgery. After a lot of thought, I've decided to finance the stupid thing so I can get the polyp where it belongs - in a jar.
I could, and probably should, go into how much I loathe credit cards and am being a complete hypocrite by not only agreeing, but suggesting, we use one for this purpose. I'd just rather skip that paragraph, though, if it's all the same to you guys.
Anyway!
I've decided to try and document each cycle day this month, since it's going to be a significant and slightly crazy one, as far as my cycles go. I am having a hysterosalpingogram (HSG) and a hysteroscopic polypectomy (with a possible laparoscopy). Because of all of this nonsense, I'll be on birth control for at least the next 3 weeks.
So, here goes!
CD1 - It's not a fun day. That's pretty much it. :/
So...this cycle is an important one for me. I had to put off the polyp removal surgery due to financial constraints. I had literally just paid off a $1,500 medical bill when I found out I would have to pay the rest of my deductible ($1,500...imagine that) up front, prior to surgery. After a lot of thought, I've decided to finance the stupid thing so I can get the polyp where it belongs - in a jar.
I could, and probably should, go into how much I loathe credit cards and am being a complete hypocrite by not only agreeing, but suggesting, we use one for this purpose. I'd just rather skip that paragraph, though, if it's all the same to you guys.
Anyway!
I've decided to try and document each cycle day this month, since it's going to be a significant and slightly crazy one, as far as my cycles go. I am having a hysterosalpingogram (HSG) and a hysteroscopic polypectomy (with a possible laparoscopy). Because of all of this nonsense, I'll be on birth control for at least the next 3 weeks.
So, here goes!
CD1 - It's not a fun day. That's pretty much it. :/
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
Sometimes It's Hard
Every now and then, I'll open up the box of Holly's things just to go through and remember her. I always enjoy the scent of the little gown and blanket that she wore after she was born.
Today, as I rummaged through the very few and dear memories of my little angel, something happened that I knew was going to happen eventually.
Her gown and blanket no longer smell like her.
It sounds so insignificant when I type it out and read it back to myself, but it was one of the saddest moments of the last few months. That little gown and blanket would take me back in time to the moment I first held her. When I hold them, it's like I get to enjoy her all over again. But now it's just a gown. Just a blanket. Just something that once touched her little body but no longer holds a part of her within them.
I'm just sad today.
Friday, May 18, 2012
Too Much Fun...
I used to have a co-worker who would always say/sing "We're having too much fun, too much fun!" (Sarcastically, I might add. Since we were almost never having too much fun). He was an unforgettable character, though, and his voice is playing over and over inside my head right now. Mostly because this whole teaching my son thing is incredibly fun. I can't believe I didn't start this sooner! Granted, our kids learn from us and their world every day, but I like having a sort of formal, fun little plan to encourage him along.
Yesterday I introduced the number "1" which he insists on calling "2". He knows how to count to 20 (most days, anyway) but for some reason only recognizes the "1" when it's drawn as just one straight line (like a lowercase "L"). He's also still calling squares triangles and I feel pretty silly for letting him lose the grasp he had of this stuff in the recent past. Ah well. He'll get it at some point. I should probably mention his age....he's 32 months. :)
I didn't take pictures of the "1" stuff we did. It really didn't amount to much more than me printing out/showing him the number and sticking it on his learning poster. We then counted things. "One fruit loop" "One cow" "One fish" "One car" etc. I showed him how to hold up one finger. He liked that the best, for some reason. I also made him a very bland, uncreative counting book out of construction paper, per the LOTW website's instructions. I'm sure there are many, many moms who would come up with a way to make it look way more fun, but for now it'll do. :) I drew the number 1 on the first page and had him place one sticker underneath it. He seemed to enjoy it, and we reviewed it again today.
The best thing about yesterday was our first field trip to a local ranch! It was definitely a "real ranch" and we saw a bunch of animals. Yep, cows included. :) I think he enjoyed chasing the chickens, kicking dirt all over place and the baby goats the best. One thing I never realized about real ranches and farms is how much poop there is....everywhere. Lol. It didn't smell bad and it was hard to even notice it. Just a fun fact, I guess. Here are some photos...it was hard to get a good shot with all the movement and activity. We invited another family and his best friend along. I think she had the most fun of everyone!
This turkey definitely made turkey sounds for us. All of the animals made their sounds!
There were so many beautiful, sweet horses. Ever apparently thinks horses are the Scariest. Animals. Ever.
A sweet little (hungry) calf! There are 2 goats raising this little girl and it was awesome to see.
No tour would be complete without petting a barn cat.
Or a chicken. J was so brave and touched so many animals! Ever was less enthusiastic, but did end up petting the chicken.
The pot bellied pig! Pigs were, by far, J's favorite animal to look at.
Huge pigs! J wanted to see the "cute little pink" pigs...lol. One of them is pregnant, so there should be some cute ones in a few months.
Ever's new friend. :) He stayed here the longest, I think. He really liked the little goats. There was a blind cow in there with a "seeing eye goat" that helps her everywhere she goes. :)
COWS! Who knew they weren't fond of toddlers? Or people in general? The bulls here ARE beef cows, though, so I guess I can't blame them.
My favorite picture...holding his little toy cow while investigating the real ones.
J playing with Mr. Toy Cow.
Chasing chickens! Kids are so fun.
On our way home. He had a blast. I don't care what he says. =)
That little trip was definitely the highlight of our first week. Here's what we did on our last "school day" this week:
(Notice the incredibly unimaginative counting book):
It was "Nursery Rhyme Day" so I introduced "Hey Diddle Diddle" while in the car on the way home from lunch. He seemed to like it well enough, so we watched a few really cute youtube videos of it and then he colored for about 5 whole minutes. He really hasn't been into art much at all, but I tried to get him to stay on task for a few more minutes than he originally wanted. We hung his artwork on our poster, watched a few more minutes of Hey Diddle Diddle videos, then did a very, very tiny hands-on activity. He has a "Moon in My Room" hanging on his bedroom wall, so we got his toy cow and made him "jump over" the moon a few times. He quickly moved on to his toy cars, but it was still fun.
Then we read his cow books again (multiple times, at his insistence...I LOVE that he's starting to enjoy books), talked about where milk/cheese/etc comes from, reviewed the word "Calf" and that's it! The end of Week #1. I'm so proud of my little student!
I have it on good authority that there are free-roaming cows near a not-too-far-away area, so we may take an impromtu trip just to see. He hasn't napped yet, so he'll probably just fall asleep though. :)
Anyway, that was our week! Can't wait to see how much he progresses and, most of all, how much he enjoys learning about new things!
Yesterday I introduced the number "1" which he insists on calling "2". He knows how to count to 20 (most days, anyway) but for some reason only recognizes the "1" when it's drawn as just one straight line (like a lowercase "L"). He's also still calling squares triangles and I feel pretty silly for letting him lose the grasp he had of this stuff in the recent past. Ah well. He'll get it at some point. I should probably mention his age....he's 32 months. :)
I didn't take pictures of the "1" stuff we did. It really didn't amount to much more than me printing out/showing him the number and sticking it on his learning poster. We then counted things. "One fruit loop" "One cow" "One fish" "One car" etc. I showed him how to hold up one finger. He liked that the best, for some reason. I also made him a very bland, uncreative counting book out of construction paper, per the LOTW website's instructions. I'm sure there are many, many moms who would come up with a way to make it look way more fun, but for now it'll do. :) I drew the number 1 on the first page and had him place one sticker underneath it. He seemed to enjoy it, and we reviewed it again today.
The best thing about yesterday was our first field trip to a local ranch! It was definitely a "real ranch" and we saw a bunch of animals. Yep, cows included. :) I think he enjoyed chasing the chickens, kicking dirt all over place and the baby goats the best. One thing I never realized about real ranches and farms is how much poop there is....everywhere. Lol. It didn't smell bad and it was hard to even notice it. Just a fun fact, I guess. Here are some photos...it was hard to get a good shot with all the movement and activity. We invited another family and his best friend along. I think she had the most fun of everyone!
This turkey definitely made turkey sounds for us. All of the animals made their sounds!
No tour would be complete without petting a barn cat.
Or a chicken. J was so brave and touched so many animals! Ever was less enthusiastic, but did end up petting the chicken.
The pot bellied pig! Pigs were, by far, J's favorite animal to look at.
Huge pigs! J wanted to see the "cute little pink" pigs...lol. One of them is pregnant, so there should be some cute ones in a few months.
Ever's new friend. :) He stayed here the longest, I think. He really liked the little goats. There was a blind cow in there with a "seeing eye goat" that helps her everywhere she goes. :)
COWS! Who knew they weren't fond of toddlers? Or people in general? The bulls here ARE beef cows, though, so I guess I can't blame them.
Chasing chickens! Kids are so fun.
On our way home. He had a blast. I don't care what he says. =)
That little trip was definitely the highlight of our first week. Here's what we did on our last "school day" this week:
(Notice the incredibly unimaginative counting book):
It was "Nursery Rhyme Day" so I introduced "Hey Diddle Diddle" while in the car on the way home from lunch. He seemed to like it well enough, so we watched a few really cute youtube videos of it and then he colored for about 5 whole minutes. He really hasn't been into art much at all, but I tried to get him to stay on task for a few more minutes than he originally wanted. We hung his artwork on our poster, watched a few more minutes of Hey Diddle Diddle videos, then did a very, very tiny hands-on activity. He has a "Moon in My Room" hanging on his bedroom wall, so we got his toy cow and made him "jump over" the moon a few times. He quickly moved on to his toy cars, but it was still fun.
Then we read his cow books again (multiple times, at his insistence...I LOVE that he's starting to enjoy books), talked about where milk/cheese/etc comes from, reviewed the word "Calf" and that's it! The end of Week #1. I'm so proud of my little student!
I have it on good authority that there are free-roaming cows near a not-too-far-away area, so we may take an impromtu trip just to see. He hasn't napped yet, so he'll probably just fall asleep though. :)
Anyway, that was our week! Can't wait to see how much he progresses and, most of all, how much he enjoys learning about new things!
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
School Is In!
Well, not exactly "schooooool." I found a very fun little curriculum online for ages 2 - 4 here: http://www.letteroftheweek.com/index.html. It's a fun little weekly toddler/preschool learning adventure and, best of all, it's FREE! :)
We're in week 1, and here's what Ever and I are learning all about:
Theme : Cows
Vocabulary Word: Calf
Shape: Square
Letter: A
Number: 1
Nursery Rhyme: Hey Diddle Diddle
So far, he seems to grasp that cows give us milk and other dairy products. He can say "calf" if I ask him to, but usually just says "baby" when I point to one and ask him what it is.
The square, though. <Sigh> He calls them triangles..lol. He had a pretty good grasp of shapes (and numbers and letters, for that matter) up until a couple of months ago when he just lost all interest in them. It's probably my fault for not reinforcing what he had learned, but I'm sure he'll get interested again soon enough. He already knew what the letter "A" was all about, the sound it makes, etc, so I can't complain too much about the shapes. :)
Here's my 2 little activities for today. Wednesday is when the letter of the week is introduced, so our main focus today has been on "A". I should mention that I also got these activity suggestions from the above-mentioned site. While I'd like to become more creative and imaginative, it'll probably be awhile. I did, however, pick up a lot of very cool "Montessori" like things at Goodwill yesterday. Some of which are pictured below. (More on my feelings about Montessori at some later point).
Little coloring station:
Rice for tracing "A" with his finger:
His little "table of the week":
Learning poster (I suck at posters) Something new gets added on daily:
What he did this morning instead of the activities I set out for him:
Half-hearted, left-handed attempt at coloring:
He did have fun with the rice for all of 2 minutes. It ended up being a nice fine motor activity, since he had to help me pick up all the rice he inevitably spilled:
We then read a couple of cow books that we checked out from the library, sang Old MacDonald and called it a day. :) I think he enjoyed story time at the library this morning (We need to go to that every week) and playing at the park and then at McDonald's far more than "school." But, I think he's at least learning to have an appreciation for our very moo-y friends.
Currently trying to hunt down someone with a farm so he can see one up close and personal. I have a lead.....hoping we get to have our first real field trip on Friday! :)
We're in week 1, and here's what Ever and I are learning all about:
Theme : Cows
Vocabulary Word: Calf
Shape: Square
Letter: A
Number: 1
Nursery Rhyme: Hey Diddle Diddle
So far, he seems to grasp that cows give us milk and other dairy products. He can say "calf" if I ask him to, but usually just says "baby" when I point to one and ask him what it is.
The square, though. <Sigh> He calls them triangles..lol. He had a pretty good grasp of shapes (and numbers and letters, for that matter) up until a couple of months ago when he just lost all interest in them. It's probably my fault for not reinforcing what he had learned, but I'm sure he'll get interested again soon enough. He already knew what the letter "A" was all about, the sound it makes, etc, so I can't complain too much about the shapes. :)
Here's my 2 little activities for today. Wednesday is when the letter of the week is introduced, so our main focus today has been on "A". I should mention that I also got these activity suggestions from the above-mentioned site. While I'd like to become more creative and imaginative, it'll probably be awhile. I did, however, pick up a lot of very cool "Montessori" like things at Goodwill yesterday. Some of which are pictured below. (More on my feelings about Montessori at some later point).
Little coloring station:
Learning poster (I suck at posters) Something new gets added on daily:
We then read a couple of cow books that we checked out from the library, sang Old MacDonald and called it a day. :) I think he enjoyed story time at the library this morning (We need to go to that every week) and playing at the park and then at McDonald's far more than "school." But, I think he's at least learning to have an appreciation for our very moo-y friends.
Currently trying to hunt down someone with a farm so he can see one up close and personal. I have a lead.....hoping we get to have our first real field trip on Friday! :)
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